14 Comments
Apr 22Liked by Rudy Fischmann

Your experience belongs to you and anyone who questions it is a jerk. Give yourself permission to have your good news. Maybe even with a cupcake or a margarita.

Expand full comment
Apr 22Liked by Rudy Fischmann

Holy cow. I'm speechless at this moment. Certainly a lot to digest . For what it's worth, I still keep you in my prayers.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you. And yes, what is being seen could certainly still be tumor. And it still can get growing again regardless.

Expand full comment
Apr 22Liked by Rudy Fischmann

Yes, it seems the beat goes on with yet more uncertainty to it . My goodness!

Expand full comment
author

Exactly. Im fully expecting to have tumor growth next scan and it restoring balance to the universe so we can all relax. 🤣

Expand full comment
Apr 22Liked by Rudy Fischmann

I hear you. Not knowing is so often the one thing that can drive my thoughts in circles. Just last month I had a small low grade cancerous tumor removed from my bladder. But from the onset of my symptoms, it took four months what with cancelled and rescheduled appointments, for me to finally have surgery to remove the tumor. Fortunately, there was no invasion. I did also have bladder cancer sixteen years ago I have been told there is a likelihood that I will have more tumors in the future. Of course I would rather not have had four months of not knowing, but I'm thankful for the outcome.

Expand full comment
author

That is absolutely it. Being thankful for things that are kinda terrible. Cancer stuff is so weird.

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Rudy Fischmann

I knew you would outlive me! I'm having a 90th birthday party on March 30, 2033 wherever the Solar Eclipse shows it's full face. You better be there with Cecily and the kids or else!!!

Expand full comment
author

Well, I appreciate your excitement but it’s still very premature to plan that far ahead.

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Rudy Fischmann

What great and terrible news at the same time.

But...may you continue to feel this terrible for many years to come.

Expand full comment

We’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Cancer patients are rarely glass half full people.

Expand full comment
author

I also think the constant roller coaster leaves us not knowing what to expect or how to react.

Expand full comment

Weirdly enough, I think I understand what you mean here. Ugh!

I have noticed something really funny about stock markets, which I've come to view as one little window on human behavior. If there's bad news about a business, the stock will drop, say, 20% over the course of a few days. That sucks, but it's probably pretty rational overall.

But now say there's some *uncertain* news, not necessarily explicitly bad. It's more, "we don't know if this will be good or bad." The "bad" could be something roughly equivalent to the same sort of news that would make a stock drop 20%, but then again, the good side might be the complete inverse of that.

The market inevitably punishes the 2nd stock (which is clearly more valuable than the first) due to uncertainty. Isn't that fucked up?

Yet, here we are. We are certainly not Vulcans.

Expand full comment

For me, you are pretty much right on. Good perspective I think.

Expand full comment